Scarborough

Romantic England

Ah, Scarborough. Frozen in time. The name itself- evocative of mystery and romance. It’s dreamy and whimsical and everything you imagine when you hear that beautiful and haunting Simon and Garfunkel tune, like an Alfonse Mucha painting.

Of course our first stop was at the fair. Lukas and Andy just had to ride the swinging chairs.

Then we saw the jousting demonstration.

And finally we ran into some larpers at the Renaissance fairground.

Lukas struck up a conversation with the fair maiden and Simon here didn’t appreciate the whole plain-clothes and break-character thing, let alone handsome Luke moving in on his wench, and tried to shoe us away. I don’t know if he was drunk on grog or what but he got a little loud, stepped forward and while waiving his plastic sword around told us quite rudely to go get on the other side of the boundary, in nearly-incomprehensible North-Yorkish. I’m pretty bold with my bodyguards beside me- Lukas knows Brazilian Ju Jitsu and Andy knows judo - and I said, “Listen, helmet breath, we’re just here enjoying the sites. And as for plain-clothes, I don’t recall Sir Galahad wearing denim, velcro and Nikes.”

That did it. Simon got some of his buddies as backup, one carrying a cat-o-nine-tails, and we split.

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OK, so much for fantasy. Are you ready for the real Scarborough, edition ‘24, post Covidia?

With the lads at north beach, checking out the kelp beds and changing rooms, which are rented by folks like Desmond and Molly Jones on holiday from Leeds.

Molly- Alright love, you going to have a go in the surf?

Desmond- Impossible, I’m knackered.

Molly- You look it. What happened? Hard night at the pub? How was it anyway?

Desmond- Oh, you know, just the usual. Same old faces, same old talk. All rubbish. By the way love, fancy a pint down at the pub later? It’s the football on.

M- Football? Didn’t you just watch Manchester City last night?

D- Tonight’s United, love. Can’t miss it.

M- What about the concert? You promised we’d see the Spice Girls down at the Open Air.

D- Spice Girls? Did you see the price of the tickets? They're going mad!

M- Yeah, but you promised.

D- Right. Well, Spice Girls it is I suppose.

After the beach, we meandered down toward the actual Scarborough Fair zone. The Spice Girls wouldn’t be coming to the Open Air Theatre this year, but some big names were on the schedule. Which act would you want to see if you could only choose one?

I’d take Tom Jones. “Tommy, sing Green Green Grass!” Admit it, you’d choose Simple Minds, just to hear Don’t you. But that act, like Rick Astley, is just one-hit wonder, guilty-pleasure stuff. Tom would be solid Vegas Entertainment Gold with big hits from start to finish.

It looks like the theatre did feature some kind of a Spice Girls tribute band, at least:

What’s with the UK and their très ordinaire girl bands?

One would hope you could get away from the big-city surveillance panopticon down at the seaside resort. Can’t you let Desmond and Molly get away from Big Brother and the All-Seeing-Eye for one weekend out of their busy lives?

I guess not. After seeing a bunch of these signs and security cameras I had the urge to get away, so I motioned for the lads and we headed into the forest. Between fairgrounds and forest there was a Japanese garden.

There were ducks and ponds and stone lanterns and stuff. I’d thought we’d left the garden as we ventured into the forest, but then I saw this statue standing alone. She looks a bit sinister- like an ominous warning that says, Do not venture beyond here:

Wait a minute. Who else is it that makes a triangle with their hands?

There was something familiar about that hand gesture:

Just before leaving the forest we came upon a gardener doing some brush cutting. First the excavator and skid-steer in Germany, then the ponds at Stansted, and now these tools, of which I’m quite familiar. I can’t get away from my summer job!

Make sure you know that the motor on that cutter is a 2-stroke or 4 before you put the gas in!

We went back to the apartment, checked out and drove the Vauxhall to a cemetery that was walking distance from downtown, but far enough out to find free parking.

Cemeteries in England- always peaceful and beautiful, but also sad; too many of the names are men cut down in their youth, in those senseless wars.

To get downtown, we’d walk by the rowhouse zone. There’s some serious imposed uniformity here, but it has a definite charm, and every street has a different style.

Andy had a chuckle at this restaurant, Benny’s Teke-out. The kanji symbols 便利, at least in Japanese, mean ben-ri- convenient. Owner figured whatever, let’s call it Benny’s.

The beach and the wharf down at the headland looked interesting. I wondered if it was possible for boats to get in and out at super-low tide.

I would have paid a visit to the wharf here but again, we made use of the library to get some work done. We did some editing on the O’Looney and Exley files, so the Frankfurt team would have a little less work to do.

Anyway, if you head to the Yorkshire coast, definitely see Whitby and Robin Hood’s Bay. Scarborough is optional but probably worth it too.

Next- incident at the Humber bridge, and Lincoln Cathedral.