Montana Transformation
My brother says I’ve become the Unabomber.
I've never let a beard get this out of hand- it doesn't seem like me, so, in the spirit of all the POSTED, PRIVATE PROPERTY signs around here, I thought I'd make a video and carry on as a reclusive mountain man with a gun. (my sidekick Luke asks, “with a plastic stock?”) Here, I shoo off an unwanted intruder.
I have to decide whether to go with the beard or shave it off. Do I apply for winter work with a beard or without? If I go for the 4am inventory stocker at Costco or the dishwasher at the local greasy spoon, they won't care. But if I apply for maître d' or waiter at the fancy-schmancy restaurants here or in Missoula, I might shave first. I could be putting a photo on my digital resume. Help me out:
A. mountain man
B. pathetic schoolteacher
That second photo courtesy of my brother, who fished it out of the ‘trash this now’ archive. I told my bro that neither image suits me much. He wrote me back, attached another photo and said “maybe this is your calling.”
C. preacher
Yep, that's me. For ten years I had a side gig as a wedding celebrant in Japan. Best job I've ever had. I've married hundreds of people. The Japanese, though the great majority are not Christian, prefer their weddings Western Style, in a Christian chapel, with a Christian preacher/celebrant. Problem is, when 90% of couples want a Christian wedding in a country with few churches, there aren't enough pastors to do the job. That's where the layman (English teacher) celebrant comes in. Many Japanese also like getting married abroad, especially in Hawaii. I'm thinking about getting such a business going in Montana, but everything is on hold while we wait for this stupid government to remove the vax restriction. My son Andy just wrote me and said, “Hiroyuki is one of my best friends. I've told him all about Montana and he's dying to go. I said it's not like other places where Japanese go for vacation. It's not Disneyland. I also said he might have to do some hard work and stuff, and he still wants to go. He's not like most other kids. He's like us. He hasn't gotten vaccinated. Can we come at Christmas? His mom says it's OK.”
I'm guessing, coming from gun-shy Japan, Hiroyuki can't wait to get his paws on one of those guns Andy has shot over here. Teenage dreams of ARs and AKs. Unfortunately I had to tell Andy that Hiroyuki is unwelcome here. Even Germany and England, our covid-crazy allies, have allowed jab-free travel by now, but not us. For foreign travelers we're worse than the Canadians. Worse than the uber-woke Canadians, you say?! What I mean is, both of us block unvaxxed immigrants and tourists, but at least the Canadians apply it to everyone. Come across the southern border of the US, illegal and without papers, and you are jab exempt. What a country.
Anyway, I'm trying to deserve that corny Jeb Clampett image above by getting tough and learning a few skills, like the local can-do-anything men around here. The other day I helped slaughter a couple sheep. Well OK, I helped bring the sheep from the barn to the area we killed it, and a couple other things, but mostly just took pictures. I actually couldn’t help myself and had to pet the poor things on the head, moments before execution.
Next time I'll take the knife and do some of the guttin' myself. I think I'll bring the 22, though. Ol' Leon says once you cut their throat and they start bleeding out, it's only a matter of seconds before they're off in sheep heaven. Still, all that thrashing around after the cut- I wonder how long they're suffering. I think a 12 cent bullet to the brain to start off isn't a bad investment in humane treatment. That’s kinda how I want to go, though in my case it will be a twenty dollar round of 30mm depleted uranium, courtesy of Lon Horiuchi’s son.
I wasn’t too happy about bringing home liver, tongue, heart, lungs and such. But I’m looking forward to a cushy cover on my bicycle saddle once these things dry:
That's about it for now- just a Montana update since I've been silent here for two weeks. There's some interesting KLA work coming round the bend. We have a good one coming up on the Pearl Harbor anniversary. More on that in subsequent substacks. Here’s some pics from the Bitterroot, where Winter, the brute, kicked out lovely Autumn about a week after she arrived.
Thanks for sticking around.
