Blessed are the self-assured

On unity among us dissidents

REAL PRESENCE DENIERS CAN REMAIN SEATED

Well OK, you can come up for a blessing, but you are barred from communion, until you are instructed in and agree with us on the true meaning of the Eucharist, according to the Lutheran Church, Missouri Synod, 1333 Kirkwood Road, St. Louis MO, attn: Marge Frohlich, assistant to secretary Gerlach of Community Affairs. This prohibition extends beyond you sundry heathens in the Presbyterian, Methodist and Baptist churches, and includes fellow Real Presencers in the Catholic and Orthodox churches, and furthermore and especially applies to so-called Lutherans from the wayward ALC and heretical ELCA. The body and blood of Christ for LCMS members only!

Apologies- that’s a bit much on the sarcastic side. Yes, I was barred from communion on my first Sunday-morning-worship visit to the local Lutheran church, but really the pastor and congregation were super friendly and welcoming. Especially after reading the blurb on the “Sacrament of the Altar” and the entire pamphlet on “Closed Communion”, having to sit out didn’t bother me in the least and I didn’t share the mild disgust for such exclusivity that I saw in the eyes of some of my Christian friends when I told them about being barred. I did have a bit of a silent chuckle, however, when I saw that it was not the Lutheran Church, but the Lutheran Church Missouri Synod that was laying down the law. I think I remember saying to myself something to the tune of, “Well, I wonder what the Arkansas, Nebraska and Central Northeast Texas Synods think about this stuff.”

This reminded me of a podcast I’d watched a couple years ago. Daryush Valizadeh, known as Roosh V or just Roosh, is a vlogger who used to be the premier pick-up artist known for his books and websites on ‘game’, the art of the quick score, now turned righteous, encouraging young men to eschew pornography and fornication, and to come to God, get married and have a family. Roosh, who was raised in the Armenian Orthodox Church, and had gone rogue and come back, was interviewing father Spyridon, a popular You Tuber and English priest in the Russian Orthodox Church. Roosh asked the priest if he was cool with the Armenian Church and Spyridon said something like, “Well, Roosh, I’d be remiss if I didn’t encourage you to make a move to the true church, the Russian Orthodox, and in your case, ROCOR (Russian Orthodox Church Outside Russia).

Not the Lutheran Church in general but the Missouri Synod Lutheran Church. Not the Orthodox Church but ROCOR; I just chuckle a bit at the idea that it has to be this exact.

But to repeat, I don’t have anything against these folks who have come to ‘know’ the true path, even if their various versions of this path differ considerably. I like the local LCMS folks, and I like Roosh and Father Spyridon too, just as I like lots of folks who have managed to eliminate doubt from their particular religious beliefs. I have good friendships and close contacts with folks in a group who hand out tracts that explain that I’ll achieve certainty in their way (the true way, of course). Maybe I will. But then again, maybe I will at the church I attend now. It’s the same with every Christian group. Who ever heard of a church that advertises their doubt and uncertainty? “Welcome to the church of DW “doubting Thomas” Shumway, where your pastor will stumble trying to explain the Trinity and the precise nature of the Eucharist!”

I bring this up because I wonder how we are going to be able to mount a decisive counter-attack against the Satanic Cabal without numbers and some degree of unity, when most of us are so certain that our very particular way is the correct (and often the only) one, and therefore we steer clear of the the other guy, whose way is wrong. I also reflect a lot on the nature of certainty.

Walt Disney once said, “When you believe in a thing, believe in it all the way, implicitly and unquestionable.”

There’s this daydream/dramatization I’ve played with in my mind, where I’ve arrived at the Pearly Gates and God steps out to evaluate my terrestrial bio and current state of mind. I’m in line behind three other guys.

1st guy. God asks, “How did Judas die?

Guy 1-He hanged himself.

God- Are you quite certain?

-Yes, everything in the Bible is the true, inspired Word of God.

-Well done, my servant. Open the Gate, Peter!

2nd guy stands before God.

-How did Judas die?

-His bowls exploded while he was running across a field.

-Are you sure about that?

-Absolutely. Mark documents it very clearly in chapter 7. Who am I to doubt St. Mark?

-Well done, my son. You may proceed.

3rd guy.

-How did Judas die?

-Asphyxiation and Spontaneous Human Explosion.

-What do you mean, exactly?

-Well, he hung himself from a tree, and as he was dying from a lack of oxygen, his bowels burst out onto the field.

-So it was both?

-Yes.

-That’s kind of a unique way to die. Perhaps miraculous. Would you agree?

-Oh yes.

-And you are sure this is the way it happened?

-Absolutely. As sure as Jonah survived his time in the big fish, Judas had comortalities.

-You’re positive?

-Yep.

-Go forth my son. Your wings and harp await you.

4th guy- Me.

God-OK, Shumway. I have a question for you. How did Judas die?

Shumway-Well, I’m not exactly sure, because in Matthew it says he hanged himself from a tree, but in Mark it says his bowels…

-Wait a sec. What was the first thing?

-The…the tree part? He hanged him…

-No, I mean the first thing you said.

-Oh, ahh…I said I wasn’t quite sure how Judas died because…

-You aren’t sure?

-…Uh, well, not exactly. I mean, he betrays Christ and is wracked with guilt and runs up to the field on the hill, which is certainly where he died, but it’s uncertain to me whether….

-What else in the Holy Bible are you not sure about? WHERE ELSE IS YOUR FAITH LACKING?

-Uh, I…I…uh

WHOOOOOSH- (the sound of the furnace burners on full blast as DW enters into eternal perdition)

As you can surmise, I crave the certainty of my God-fearing friends around me. I just have to figure out which friends have the correct certainties.

Getting back to the idea of unity, I just finished Michael A. Hoffman’s Secret Societies and Psychological Warfare. In it he states how ludicrous it was for the FBI to claim that the most clear and present danger is domestic terrorism, of the mainly white, right-wing religious types. Hoffman laughs and says are you kidding me, we God-fearing dissidents can’t even agree on whether to worship on Saturdays or Sundays, let alone mount a unified defense against the tyrannical government.

E. Michael Jones, the radioactive, traditional Catholic writer/historian from South Bend, Indiana, says that people need to unite and come back to The Church, as it’s ‘our’ only hope against the dark powers. (Here is my interview with him in English and German). He says, yeah, your local priest might be a left-wing wokester nut, but he’s there to administer the necessary sacraments and you need to be there to receive them. But then Hoffman, an equally traditional and fervent Catholic, says in a recent article, “Those who continue to worship in churches that are subject to him… well, there’s no need to say more.” Guess who ‘him’ is- The Pope. Or Frank the Antichrist, depending on which camp you’re in.

I mention these guys because the Catholic church used to be the only game in town. When nation and creed were under siege and the king needed to mount a defense against the infidel, he could count on the church coming to the rescue. If not for the essential, unifying, rallying cry of the church, how successful would Christendom have been at holding off the Muslims at Tours, Lepanto and Vienna? Now, with our splintered church (America), or essentially no church at all (Europe), there is no unifying rally cry and our borders are wide open to people who at best don’t necessarily share our values, and at worst want to destroy us. We won the battle of Vienna but are losing the battle of Tijuana.

(Incidentally Miguel de Cervantes fought at Lepanto. Perhaps this fellow romantic writer will have to mount up and head for Tijuana. To arms, Sancho! Onward, Rocinante!)

So how do we unite against evil? I’m not a fan of ecumenism, and I think it’s completely legitimate for a church to lay down the law on questions like who can come forward for communion, but I think we all need to agree on a few basics if we’re going to get the numbers needed to win this current Battle of Evermore, and leave the rest for doctrinal squabbles of the future.

I’ll be working on this. Stay tuned for orders from Central Command.